My husband travels for work all the time – he is gone generally half the month, every month, flying all over the US. His travel used to take him to Central America or China, I am much happier having him closer!
He is so used to travel that very little excites or phases him either in an airport or in a hotel. Those little things that just delight me (little shampoo bottles, clean sheets that I didn’t have to wash and someone else making my bed!) don’t get a rise out of him at all.
Now, he loves traveling with me – because from what I understand, it is very boring to fly alone all the time, and traveling with your crazy wife, who literally rambles on constantly about everything she sees, just has to share every cute meme and joke she finds with you and tell you again about how much she loves you, is much more enjoyable.
Now, of course, as I (wifey) am not as experienced a traveler as hubby, clearly, I do tend to do things complicate air travel, like wear the multiple laced shoes (which must be removed and scanned lest I smuggle something like a kinder egg into the US), pack too much for a one night stay away, try to check a bag (the horror!) and generally just make other poor decisions for air travel.
But apparently it is still better than flying solo*
*following are the two special exceptions when flying solo is preferred by Hubby
1 – When the flight is overbooked and, because he travels so much and has platinum status, he would be bumped up to First Class… but as he is ‘stuck’ with his wife he can’t take advantage (there is only ever one seat available in that case which would have to go to him, and he ends up having to say no…)
2 – Going through Customs. Hubby has a NEXUS card, so he keeps his nose clean and doesn’t have to put himself through the tedium and torture of Customs each time he flies. However, when he travels with wifey, who does not have a NEXUS card, he must suffer the indignities alongside me.
Now to the Cream Cheese Incident.
One of those things that delights me is free food. I can’t pass it up. I will try it, not buy it, sample it, rate it, if it doesn’t cost me a penny I will be right there. Continental breakfasts, lunch meetings, hook a sister up.
Lounges at airports offer such delights.
And because hubby is a traveler with special status, he has lounge access.
I didn’t even know these lounges existed – the entrances are always somewhat hidden off to one side to help hide the entrance to the kingdom. They are lovely places. Free food, beverages, alcoholic pick me ups, magazines and, in the case of the Toronto Air Canada lounge, some of the funkiest red/purple retro style seating you’ve ever seen.
To gain entrance to one of these mythical realms, one must travel enough to earn the points (exhausting!), have a spouse or son-in-law who travels enough to earn the points (Thanks hubby, and You’re welcome, mom) or have enough money to basically buy your way in (but that’s just life, right?).
Now, on to the Cream Cheese Incident.
When we travel, I always get a bagel with cream cheese when FREE (the always important favourite part of travel for me 😊 ) so as we were in the Lounge heading back (soon we hoped), I did as I always do – I got my bagel, and I got two packets of cream cheese. I indulged in the delicious bagel, and used up one package of cream cheese, and left the other in my sweater pocket (for what possible use I have no idea, but another one of those endearing facts about me is I hoard too).
Our flight was ready, we moved along into the dreaded Customs line. I was so proud of myself, I’ve been learning with each trip – I have on boots with only one long zipper, coat pockets were empty, purse contents minimal and ready for inspection.
Everything was in the bin to go through the X-ray machine, lastly I took off my belt and walked through the scanner – BEEP.
I go back, confused, and go through again – BEEP again.
The security agent approaches me with a blank look on her face (she’s seen the likes of me before), and the wand – hubby is of course almost fully shoed/clothed again and is watching me with interest.
The wand goes over me:
“What do you have in your pocket ma’am?”
“Nothing” I say as I reach in and pull out… Cream Cheese…
She looks at me, I look at her. I smile, trying to look as naïve and simple (see “devoid of duplicity”) as I am.
“Whoops” I say, trying not to make eye contact with hubby who is shaking his head and clearly wondering why he’s still with me (been together 15+ years, he’s stuck blissfully in love) and how he can now pretend he doesn’t know me.
The woman chooses to take pity on me and my ineptitude – I move along and take with me another valuable lesson in navigating the airport – previous lessons included no, you can’t take that water bottle with you and air travel sucks (that last one was provided by hubby, I still don’t believe it).
So, advise from this Infrequent Flyer is: travel with a spouse who keeps you smiling and distracted, take all the free food you can, don’t wear shoes with laces and don’t take cream cheese packets through Customs because they set off the BEEP thing and you will be beyond embarrassed and your hubby may try to leave you there.